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sarahbeth316
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Name: sarah
Country: United States
State: Ohio
Metro: Dayton
Birthday: 3/16/1904
Gender: Female
Interests: the process-
loving, learning, growing
friends, family, God...but He cant be just an interest-He needs to be everything
Expertise: falling gracefully...dont ask
Occupation: Student
Industry: Real Estate
Message: message me
AIM:  sarahsaxe
Member Since:
8/8/2005
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| Someone told me yesterday that insanity is the belief that doing the same thing over and over again will eventually lead to a different result. I see what I am doing, the question is how to break the cycle b/c as I continue in this way I will hurt more people I care about and that is what is truly insane... | | |
| *Will I lose my dignity?
Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow
from this nightmare?
So often I am dying to express, which would be why I find myself here again...an old haunt that is always here to catch me, a way to say to the world what I am feeling but always knowing i am safe because no one will ever read it. Words are not my gift. The ones I want always seem to be just out of reach. Its always amusing to tell my writer friends that, they don't believe me, seem to think that I am just bluffing, the truth of hte matter is that I am not...I get so frustrated that all forms of expression leave me and i stutter and gesture my way through usually making me more flustered
I've been learning a lot about myself. Does the ability to define mean you know yourself? Anyway, I just learned why I don't cook and when I do I get so flustered. Ever since I was little I have studied my parent's relationship and I found whenever my mom worked extra on a nice meal for my dad he attacks her, maybe its that she makes the meal to fix their argument but it doesn't work. Maybe she does it because she knows he is tense...but to see it always be wrong, to not be enough for him. So I don't cook, it leads to hurt, and that is a pain easy to avoid.
I desperately want to...I desperately want to love again, to love and be loved | | |
| Funny, no one reads xangas anymore, but i just had the desire to write. I am such a manipulator, and although God can use me despite my flaws, i do not get to escape the consequences. If I would just learn to trust Him, maybe, maybe I would get this whole life thing right.
continuing to live and learn, but having a hard time with the growing aspect. I wish so badly that I could say to you that I am perfect, that I have grown so much this week, but I can't. I got to hear a friend passionately talk about what they wanted to do for God and all they were doing to make it possible, and I remember the days I felt like that, but they are just a distant memory and should not be. I have started reading my Bible and praying again. I have so far to go... I have just been too busy running in the opposite direction.
I am sorry for trying to take the place of the carpenter when my job was to be the tool. | | |
| finals week is trying to kill me! lol. but what is so cool about this week, God has used it to draw me even closer to Him. I decided that staying up for 21 straight hours was a good idea (its not) but by the end of that day I was sooo tired and was just begging God for someone to just come up and catch me and hold me tight, but instead He reminded me, "Come to Me all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest." I could physically feel His strength fill me, it was so cool! also, tonight I was thinking again that I was lonely here on campus, that no one understood me...you know the drill...and I was listening to my itunes while studying and Nicole Nordeman sings a song titled Gratitude and in it she starts in a prayer asking God for rain, but then she says, "but maybe not, not today, maybe you provide in other ways and if thats the case, we give thanks to you with gratitude..." It is so cool how God works, and then gently reminds me to thank Him (something I forget a lot) I am looking forward to going home to the safety of my family, but I am also grateful for this time of growth. I am learning to lean on Him, I'm not good at it yet, not even decent, but when i do, He holds me in His arms and gently leads me in the way He has for me.
learning to be a "True Princess" (its this book I have)
sarah | | |
| no where left to hide. no where else to run. use me, Lord, please. | | |
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